


I'm Yours

by endlessnight



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Lots of tears, M/M, POV shifts, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, everything is similar to canon but with soulmates, i am my own beta please forgive me, mention of mafuyu's song, they're idiots your honor, well not for everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23026117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessnight/pseuds/endlessnight
Summary: "What if I fall in love with someone else, and then my Soulmate destroys us?"or: One day, Kaji Akihiko falls in love. He thinks he knows everything about Soulmates and love at first sight. He doesn't.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Murata Ugetsu, Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 12
Kudos: 92





	I'm Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is my first Given fic so please be gentle!!! I’m so nervous to post this but I can’t let it sit in my fanfic folder for too long, or else I’m going to have second thoughts and delete everything-  
> Anyway. I tried to make it as much canon compliant I could, I just wanted to add the soulmate thing to spice it up a bit and also so I could cry even more on these boys in love.  
> POV shifts between Akihiko and Haruki to get the full picture of things.  
> This was kinda hard to put together in one single chapter but I did my best!

It’s common knowledge that everyone is designed to have a Soulmate. From the moment they were born, Fate connects people to their destined Soulmate and at some point during their lives, when they get closer to them, they are bound to manifest a mark on their skin, signalling without fail the presence of their other half in their proximity. There are people who choose to ignore their marks when they eventually show up, in order to maintain the relationships they developed in their personal life: the fact that one is supposedly destined to be the half of someone else doesn’t mean one can’t fall in love with another person in the meantime. There are some rare cases of people who never end up getting their own mark: it can mean their assigned soulmate has already passed away before getting the chance to meet them, and unfortunately that is it for them. But those are a rarity. Getting a mark on the skin, meeting your destined half is something so rooted in this society that people tend to never worry about not finding their own, because it’s common belief that fate is bound to connect you two, in the end.

Ever since kindergarten, children are taught how to recognise their own mark and to decipher its meaning: when they manifest, it says that your Soulmate is close to you, and one way or another you are going to meet them and recognise them.

Nobody worries much about when and where it’ll manifest, so that’s what Akihiko tried to do when he was still a kid. He was taught that way, not too think about it much.

Yet as he was growing up, it was something he couldn’t get out of his head that easily, unlike other kids.

 _What if I don’t really like my soulmate?_ He thought. _What if I don’t ever get close to them so my mark never manifests?_ He asked to his parents and teachers a lot of questions on the subject, and everyone always replied: “don’t worry, it’ll be fine. You’re supposed to meet your significant other, it will happen no matter what your concerns are, no matter who you think you’re in love with, they _will_ come to you.”

That’s when Akihiko got significantly more worried.

_What if I fall in love with someone else, and then my soulmate destroys us? I would never forgive them. I would hate them._

Akihiko grew up and graduated from high school, he did just fine. He decided to enrol at university as a music student, he wasn’t worried about his future. His ideas about what he was going to do in his life were pretty clear to him: he wanted to play music, study music and play some more. No matter the instrument (he had tried quite a few and he wanted to learn some more) he truly felt that the language of music was the best way to convey emotions, so he was betting his all on that. Everything was going great, except for one thing. His mark had yet to manifest on his skin, meaning he still was nowhere near his Soulmate. One thing changed from when he was little, though: Akihiko had stopped caring, at some point. He was too busy with music, too focused to even care about something like that. His old classmates from highschool had seen their skin bloom with ink, words, patterns, even some full sentences in some cases; but Akihiko’s skin was still blank as a white canvas. He learnt to be okay with it, to push the thought at the back of his mind so it wouldn’t bother him anymore. Throughout highschool however he took all the opportunities he could to explore his sexuality, given the freedom he had thanks to his non-existent mark. Soulmates didn’t have to be of the opposite sex, he knew that from the start, but for some reason the thought of possibly having a male significant other was something that intrigued him and made him wonder if he would possibly be into that. He knew he liked girls in the first place, so he wanted to… make sure? He would enjoy a guy’s company, too. Something like that. That’s at least what he said to his friends when they asked him about his promiscuous love life.

“You worry about so many things when it comes to Soulmates” his friends had scolded him. “When someone is the right person for you, you’re not second guessing anything anymore: just simply being in their presence will make you feel better, for some reason. So it’s only natural you’ll enjoy more intimate things with them, opposite sex or not.”

But it didn’t sit right with Akihiko, so he had to try it first hand.

Turns out: he really, _really_ enjoyed being with other men.

No more problems with that, then.

When he started attending university, Akihiko had already developed this habit of hooking up with many people that still hadn’t manifested their mark. He never really got attached to them, because the other part would eventually break up with him as soon as their mark showed up on their skin.

At first he was heartbroken, sure, not knowing how to handle the news that someone else was getting their shit together with their designed Soulmate and he wasn’t, but in the end there was nothing he could do. Move on, find someone new, have fun until the damned mark ruins everything, start over.

While his research for his destined Soulmate wasn’t going anywhere, his life was still moving on. He decided for the second semester that he would pick up the violin again, an instrument that he already learnt to play in highschool but had scattered away because of his hunger of always trying new things.

He attended a bunch of new courses, met a lot of new faces in class.

And then, one day, he met him.

Akihiko walked in on a singular guy who was playing the violin in an empty classroom, which was coincidentally the same one Akihiko wanted to practise in.

It felt like suddenly there was no more air in his lungs; yet he couldn’t breathe in some more oxygen. Paralyzed, that’s what his body was, and whilst his inner self defense was screaming to him to run away as fast as he could, his mind was lulled by that sound, also telling him to never leave that spot ever again. Hypnotized by someone else’s melody: that had never happened to him. He’d always attend other people’s rehearsals but it was never like this. It wasn’t like the guy in front of him was playing with passion; it was sensuality itself, from his closed eyes, his fingers elegantly moving on the instrument, music filling the room. It was a flood of emotions, it felt like if Akihiko hadn’t opened that door, the room would have exploded within seconds; but Akihiko was there, sinking in that music, breathing in the pain, the melancholy, the loneliness that echoed in every single note.

Every last drop of it, Akihiko drank it all; silence fell between their bodies. Bittersweet.

The student opened his eyes and turned around to look at the intruder.

He looked like he was finally empty, satisfied with how he managed to get rid of the pain from within his soul; Akihiko, on the other hand, was on the edge.

Akihiko dropped his music sheet. They stared at each other for what felt like eternity (to Akihiko at least) and then his legs moved on their own; before he could realise what he was doing, Akihiko was running away. Towards the stairs, then the front door, the gate outside: he was running in the streets, gasping and hyperventilating.

In his apartment, that night, he locked himself up in the bathroom and took off his clothes frenetically. He needed to know, he was dying to know if it happened: he studied his reflection in the mirror carefully, looked for it everywhere.

He didn’t notice anything different from his usual self.

It was like a cold shower, a hard wakeup call to reality. No mark, no Soulmate.

Akihiko was so close to crying out of frustration.

He just wasn’t meant to get one, was he? Not even when he fell in love at first sight.

The day after, he pretended like everything was fine. He attended classes like usual, and started a new course that was basically a joint class with graduate students. He cancelled his date in the evening because he was not even remotely in the mood for casual sex with some random girl.

His mum happened to call that night, to check up on him and Akihiko let it slip:

“I just don’t think I’m cut for it…”

“What are you talking about, silly? Everyone is cut for it, there’s no need for you to worry.”

Akihiko let out a frustrated sigh. That was what everyone would tell him, all the time.

“Did something happen?”

Akihiko was this close to letting it all out.

 _I think I fell in love, mom_ , is what he wanted to say. To get it off of his chest.

_I think I fell in love at first sight, but I’m not his Soulmate, and he’s not mine._

“What was it like… I mean, for you and dad. How did you find your mark?”

“I told you so many times, I sound like a broken record now… but if you want me to talk about it again, sure. We were still in school, I was a class rep and he was in the student council, and we met during one of their meetings by accident… I felt a strong sense of affection towards your dad, that was a stranger to me, you know, it seems so weird if you don’t recognise the symptoms.”

“That much I remember, mum… I mean, the mark. You saw it instantly, right?”

“Well… On the back of my hand a straight line appeared, so that’s how I knew we were close to each other. It took a full day for it to develop into something though… it wasn’t as quick as my friends’ ones.”

“Oh. I always thought yours were… quick. Like, normal?”

“Yeah, they are normal, Akihiko” his mum chuckled on the phone. “Sometimes it takes a little while to manifest, sometimes it’s slower to develop. But it’s not unusual, it happens like that, too.”

Akihiko quickly excused himself and hung up. With this new discovery, he had something really important he had to check: he ran to the bathroom and took off his clothes as fast as he could, scattering them on the floor while checking every inch of his freshly exposed skin like he did the night before.

Maybe it had manifested overnight, maybe it was just a tiny line somewhere: he had to know. He had to find that damned mark or else he was going to go mad.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Akihiko noticed there was a tiny dot behind the shell of his ear. That was all he needed. He sighed in tremendous relief and sat on the bathroom floor, he never felt more relieved in his whole life. He was normal, he was like every other guy. His mark was beginning to manifest.

He wasn’t sure it was there the night before, but in the haze of the moment he couldn’t even remember if he checked behind his ears, to be fair. But he didn’t care, he realised he didn’t care about anything anymore: the only important thing was that he had a Soulmate, and he was damned sure that his Soulmate was _him_.

Thankfully Akihiko had just started attending the violin classes, so finding the guy wasn’t so hard for him. He just had to ask to his teachers if they happened to know some guy who sounded crazy good, with dark and fluffy hair (and eyes that cut deep within your soul, but that he decided to keep to himself). His name was Murata Ugetsu. He only recently had transferred in the same university as him, so that’s why he never saw him around in the first semester.

Akihiko changed his class so he could attend the violin course with him. He was determined to do anything to get closer to him. In the end, he didn’t have to do much to be acknowledged by the guy.

One day, Akihiko came up to him and introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m Kaji Akihiko. We attend the same violin course. Would you like to practice with me?”

Murata Ugetsu already remembered him, he was the guy that had found him while he was drowning in his own lament. Akihiko had been a wave of fresh air and Murata Ugetsu already had an eye on him. He promptly said yes.

Falling in love was as easy as getting your skin pierced by a needle. It’s fast, you probably don’t get it at first, that your skin has already been pierced, but then it stings and it hurts, the pain sinks in and it doesn’t stop.

They both fell hard and fast. Akihiko compulsively checked his mark behind his ear every single day after spending time with Ugetsu, to see if anything had changed yet.

With time and many practice sessions together, the single dot wasn’t alone anymore. A new dot had manifested right underneath it, making it seem like it was the shape of a colon.

Whenever Ugetsu was playing the violin for him, Akihiko was overwhelmed with just how many emotions that one guy could convey; he no longer wanted to run away, now Akihiko just wanted to sink even deeper in that sound, to be drenched in Ugetsu’s music, in Ugetsu’s everything and maybe even drown. He couldn’t help himself and hugged him, one time. From that moment on, he couldn’t stop himself anymore. After he’d gotten himself the first taste of what touching Ugetsu was like, he wasn’t sure he could keep on living without it.

 _That must be it_ , he thought. _This must be what being with your Soulmate feels like_.

Yet there was also something strange that came with being around Ugetsu. That feeling of melancholy that he so beautifully filled his music with, that never really left Akihiko. He willingly decided to ignore that, as long as he was sure he found his Soulmate, nothing else mattered.

Akihiko confessed his love to Ugetsu one afternoon, right after he finished playing his Brahms’ piece. He couldn’t hold it in any longer, so he decided it was time.

“I love you” he said, he closed the space between him and Ugetsu, and held him for what felt like hours. “I want to be with you” he hit him with those words, words Ugetsu wasn’t expecting to hear, despite the strong feeling that was pulling him towards Akihiko. Ugetsu hugged him back tightly nonetheless. Finally their lips met and Akihiko felt like he was going to collapse by that alone. Like when he heard Ugetsu play for the first time, it felt agonizingly passionate, it was crushing him.

He never expected love would be so _violent_.

He reckoned his mark would be fully developed by the night, after something like that. But it wasn’t, somehow. The two dots were the exact same shape as the last time he checked.

He ignored that sign once again.

A year had passed since Akihiko and Ugetsu started dating. They weren’t even sure you could call _that_ dating; they spent all day around each other, in class, in their free period practicing together, and as soon as they got the chance, they moved in together (it was a basement, but it was the best soundproof apartment they could get to keep on practicing at every hour of the day or night).

A year had passed, and Akihiko had learnt to love Ugetsu in every way he could.

His skin was pale and soft, forming the perfect contrast with his dark hair, which was making him look even paler, somehow. Angelic, pure, like he was from another dimension, completely untouched and uncorrupted from the ugliness in this world. But Akihiko also knew that Ugetsu wasn’t so detached from the rest of the world. He somehow was drenched in pain, he was hurting, Akihiko could clearly feel the uneasiness sinking deep into his skin every single time Ugetsu played the violin in front of him. It was like, no matter how hard he tried to make it sound different, he could never succeed. He was doomed, he was cursed; it was… sad. Akihiko didn’t like to see it that way, so he always pushed the thought to the back of his mind and buried every concern as much as he could. But it was undeniable that Ugetsu’s sound wasn’t a happy one. Ugetsu’s melody was a tragedy put into notes.

It wasn’t the only thing Akihiko was worried about, though.

Making love to Ugetsu was bittersweet.

They literally didn’t know how to put distance between each other anymore, so they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves when they finally went to bed at the end of the day. It was as if they were pulled to each other by a magnetic force, but somehow it was a painful need for both of them. Every night, it was the same: Akihiko would do his best to swallow every single moan that escaped from Ugetsu’s lips, milking his pleasure with his hands, his mouth, his everything. It was like his only purpose in life was making Ugetsu feel loved and worshipped, it was like he couldn’t sleep until he’d kissed every inch of the pale skin Ugetsu showed him. But it was also like being stabbed in the back multiple times, every night. When their lips met, it wasn’t sweet and blissful; it was agony. When Akihiko tasted Ugetsu on his tongue, it felt like kissing an open wound, he almost could taste blood. But he didn’t know how to stop, he didn’t know if he ever wanted to stop;

Because Akihiko _loved_ him, Akihiko was sure he’d never loved someone as deeply as Ugetsu, that he could never feel something as strong and _violent_ as this feeling.

Ugetsu was sensual, Ugetsu’s body was like a work of art. But Ugetsu’s skin was beautifully white, pure, and also painfully _unmarked_.

Sometimes, after they made love, Akihiko would cry. Ugetsu never questioned his tears, never said a word. He let silence fall between them every night, while Akihiko was sobbing in their bed next to him, he wouldn’t reach out with a hand to caress him, he wouldn’t comfort him. There was no need for that, no need for words, when Ugetsu knew exactly the reason for those tears. It was a cry for help, mostly. Akihiko was the one not realising it, yet.

Akihiko, not to ruin any further his own mental state, decided not to check up on his mark behind his ear. It was frustrating, to say the least: the last thing he wanted on earth was to accept the fact that Ugetsu was not his Soulmate, and he wasn’t Ugetsu’s. Deep down he knew that, it was an unsaid truth between them, but he couldn’t put it into words because it was simply too painful. He decided to forget all about those two dots behind the shell of his ear, as if nothing ever manifested there, and keep on living his life as best as he could.

Somewhere in between the months he spent playing the violin and living with Ugetsu, Akihiko also decided to try out other instruments he had previously checked out during highschool, to spice things up a bit. He took drums lessons again and rediscovered how playing the drums would be so stress relieving for him. Ugetsu wasn’t happy about Akihiko playing something else other than the violin, he felt betrayed by that, to some extent. But the violin now was something that reminded Akihiko of Ugetsu, it seemed like even his own violin wasn’t his anymore, but every violin in the world was there to be played by Ugetsu, something like that. Every piece had been written only for Ugetsu to be played, for he was the only one who could reach such perfection with his skilled hands. Akihiko was frustrated on so many levels, that he had started to hate the violin without even noticing.

Ugetsu noticed.

One day, during the joint class with graduate students, Akihiko decided to shut his phone down to avoid receiving any more messages from Ugetsu. They were fighting via texts. It was nothing new, really; since Akihiko had picked up the drums again, Ugetsu was on the edge every day, they would often have small fights out of the stupidest reasons. Akihiko turned off his phone and sighed. He would resume their fight at home, if he felt like going home that night. The classroom wasn’t that crowded, many students happened to be late for some train delay. Akihiko was sitting near the back of the classroom, so he watched a few laggards enter the room and take their seats, joining him in the back.

For some reason, all the irritability he previously felt due to the fight with Ugetsu was now vanished; he didn’t feel jumpy or nervous anymore. His body relaxed instantly, his lungs breathed in and out slowly, making him feel surprisingly refreshed. It was like his body was trying to tell him something positive was about to happen, any time now.

Akihiko wasted no time in analysing the situation any further; all he cared about was to be concentrated for the lesson that was about to start, he paid no attention to what his body was trying to tell him, though he was very, very thankful to whatever that was.

The teacher handed down some prints that were now being shared among the students in the class; when he received the papers, he got one for himself and proceeded to hand the rest of them to the guy that was sitting next to him, not even paying attention to who it was. For some reason, the guy wasn’t picking them up. Akihiko held the papers for a while, then he stopped reading his one to see if the guy had taken the hint that it was his turn now to take them and pass them on. When he met the gaze of the guy sitting next to him, he immediately understood why the guy was frozen in his seat and wasn’t able to move a finger.

It was like time had stopped between them: Akihiko instantly got lost into the warmth of this stranger’s eyes, his hair was long and it looked really soft, not to mention it was the same colour as honey, making it look even prettier if possible. For some reason every little detail of that stranger made Akihiko feel like he was coming home after a long journey.

Maybe the reason they guy was paralyzed there was that he was experiencing the same thing, after looking at Akihiko just once. Akihiko desperately wanted to say something, but when he tried to speak he realised just how dry his mouth was.

He probably was in the same disastrous state, Akihiko thought. Akihiko found himself _hoping_ he would, yet he didn’t know why.

But then, the guy talked. “Hey” he said, and offered Akihiko a shy smile.

God, Akihiko wanted to _die_ right then and there. _What the fuck is this_ , he thought.

“Do you play the drums?”

“I won’t be coming home at the usual hour from now on” Akihiko explained to Ugetsu, after coming home already late that same day, without a warning text or anything.

“And why’s that?”

Ugetsu was laying on their bed, clearly waiting for Akihiko to return (and expecting him home sooner than he actually arrived) wearing just his pyjama bottoms. It was an invitation, really, to climb into bed with him and make up after their fight with the only way they used to solve everything that happened between them.

But Akihiko wasn’t in the mood to fuck his frustration out of his body using Ugetsu, not that night.

“I met someone today in class” Akihiko began to explain, “he invited me in a band. I mean, he’s forming a band, and he wants me to play for them. I wanted to give it a shot.”

Ugetsu simply hummed in response. Akihiko knew he was giving him a look of disapproval, because bands weren’t meant for violins, therefore Akihiko was only going to give up his violin even more to focus on the drums, not to mention that he was doing it for some random stranger instead of playing with _him_. Akihiko wasn’t having any of that.

That night, he only showed his back to Ugetsu, and Ugetsu did the same.

Months had passed since that first encounter with Haruki Nakayama, and things were going smoothly. Akihiko had never played in a band before, so it was nice to discover how fun playing the drums with someone else could be. Haruki played the bass, and it was incredible how the two of them just synched perfectly when they played together. Whenever he wanted to escape his troublesome relationship with Ugetsu, Akihiko would always call Haruki to spend some time together, maybe playing or just chatting over beer. Haruki would always come to his rescue, no matter what time of the day it was, no matter if he was working or not (Akihiko could pay a visit to the bar he was working at, if anything. Haruki always seemed happy to see his face, anyway). The thing about Haruki was that no matter how lost Akihiko was in his own thoughts, Haruki would always listen to his rants and never cross the line by asking inappropriate questions. He let Akihiko vent and open up at his own pace. Akihiko was thankful for that. He never felt like going into details about his relationship with Ugetsu, so in the end, he never mentioned him to Haruki. Despite Akihiko’s personal life problems, the band was going well. Their guitarist was a young prodigy called Uenoyama Ritsuka, someone that Haruki found and scouted even before asking Akihiko to join their band. It was like a miracle, finally having some friends again and getting to spend more time playing music and actually enjoying it. It was the first time that Akihiko realised that playing the violin wasn’t fun anymore, and it hadn’t been for a while. He kind of always knew that, but never admitted it to himself properly.

Months had passed since that moment in class when Akihiko’s eyes met Haruki’s for the first time, yet neither of them ever talked about it. They kept meeting almost everyday for band practice, pretending like they’d forgotten all about that strange wave of emotions they both felt, because Akihiko was _sure_ Haruki must’ve felt that too. But for some reason he never brought himself to ask, to actually make sure he hadn’t been imagining things in that moment. The only thing that mattered was what he built with Haruki, their band, their friendship. How Akihiko would always calm down in the presence of the other guy. He felt really lucky to have found someone like Haruki.

The thoughts about Soulmates and his mark behind his ear were deeply buried inside him. Akihiko didn’t want to ruin the routine he’d managed to build thinking about that, so he decided to keep avoiding his own mark every time he looked in the mirror, he avoided talking about it with Ugetsu, who he was still living with (and sleeping with, from time to time) just as much as he was avoiding playing the violin again.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Haruki could not believe his eyes. Next to him was sitting that same guy with bleached blond hair and the super hot piercings that he had already spotted on their first class of the semester. He never got the chance of sitting so close to him during the lessons, mostly because Haruki’s heart was too weak and the guy was so very hot, that he could never gather up enough courage to sit next to him. But that day Haruki had been late, so without even noticing, he quickly took the first free seat he could find as soon as he ran into the classroom just as the teacher was about to start the lesson. And here he was: sitting next to the super hot dude. Haruki had only seen him a handful of times, since he couldn’t always attend his classes due to his part time job, but whenever the guy was in the same room as him, Haruki felt like his very soul was on fire, his chest felt heavy with longing and he had difficulties with steading his breath. He even thought about going to his doctor for a check up, because whatever that was, it wasn’t normal. He wasn’t supposed to feel like _that_ with a simple stupid _crush_ on a random dude, he really wasn’t. Haruki blamed the fact that it had been a long time since he last had a girlfriend. When said random dude handed him the papers right after the lesson had started, Haruki was sure his heart was about to crush his ribcage with how fast it was beating. He was flushed red, he knew it. Yet he couldn’t help but stare at the handsome profile of that stranger, there was just something to it; it was like Haruki felt a strong pull towards him, and couldn’t help himself.

When he tried to reach out with his hand to take the papers from the guy, he realised he was paralyzed. His whole body wasn’t responding to him, for some reason. He was _fucked_.

He knew he had it bad, but that was on a whole new level. After a while, the guy turned around to properly look at him. Haruki couldn’t explain how exactly it got worse, but somehow it did get even worse: his piercing green eyes were staring at him, and Haruki was sure it was written all over his face just how badly he was into him.

He managed to look away, just for a split of a second, and somehow oxygen filled his lungs again. Haruki saw that the guy had brought a snare to class. Was he a drummer…?

In that instant, Haruki knew what he had to do. Courage he didn’t even know he had in him was suddenly overflowing, and Haruki spoke: “Hey—do you play the drums?”

“Uhm… yeah.”

“That’s great!” Haruki smiled at him, he was sure he looked like an insane guy with the way he was constantly smiling at him, yet he couldn’t help himself. “I was thinking of forming a band, and I really need a drummer. If you’re not already playing with another band, maybe would you be interested in playing with me?”

The guy was staring at him like Haruki had just confessed of committing a murder.

“I already know an amazing guitarist, and I play the bass, so… it would be perfect—I mean, if you’re up to it. It would be nice. I’m Nakayama Haruki.”

He needed to stop talking and give the guy some time to think about it and reply, Haruki knew that, but the strong pull he felt towards that stranger was increasing and he felt like he was going mad—

“I’m Kaji Akihiko.”

When Haruki finally heard the sound of his voice, it felt like he was listening to his favourite song for the first time; a favourite song he didn’t know he had, yet it felt familiar all the same. For the first time since meeting that guy, Haruki’s body was filled with a pleasant sense of calmness. Like witnessing the sunset for the first time in his life, Haruki felt his body instinctively relax. His muscles let out all the tension he was holding, so he couldn’t help but sigh in relief and offer the guy another kind smile.

“Sure, I’ll play with you.”

Haruki learnt to accept Akihiko for what he was: his irregular lifestyle, how he would throw himself into something because he found it interesting and completely give up everything else in his life (like he did with the drums, quitting the violin completely), his habit of always spending all his money on alcohol, and also spending what little money was left to eat outside every single day because for some reason he never wanted to go home and cook himself a proper meal. Those were all the things that made Akihiko, well, Akihiko. It wasn’t just that, though. Haruki had to admit to himself that he also loved how Akihiko sometimes would depend on him, asking him if he could crush at his apartment every time he drank too much and forgot he needed to drive back home. How everytime Akihiko felt frustrated and needed to vent about stuff, he would come to Haruki without a second thought. Haruki never asked questions, he felt lucky just because he got the chance to listen to the guy’s incoherent rants, to be honest. Having gained Akihiko’s trust felt like a privilege to him. It was also nice having Akihiko around the house, sure, but it also felt like it was just an excuse to spend more time together after their hang out at a bar. At least that was what Haruki liked to tell himself. Deep down he knew Akihiko had other reasons, even though he didn’t understand them. But Haruki always opened his door for him nonetheless, and Akihiko seemed to enjoy their nights together just as much as him.

Haruki knew Akihiko had someone at home waiting for him, though.

It was something that Akihiko never explained in details, but Haruki was a smart guy, and he got the hint.

There were many unspoken things between him and Akihiko. Things he wasn’t ready to face yet, so he never brought up the subject. Like that one time when it seemed like the world had stopped turning just because Akihiko was sitting next to Haruki and handing him some papers during class. It was a mystery to Haruki, to this day he couldn’t explain what happened in that moment, but he recalled the memory from time to time.

Haruki never dared to think Akihiko could be his Soulmate. He wasn’t the type to think about such things; the only thing he knew was that he still hadn’t manifested his mark, so the thought never crossed his mind.

Until one night, when Akihiko was sleeping on his sofa after their usual hang out waiting to sober up so he could drive home, Haruki secretly took a picture of him; he just looked too cute, Haruki wasn’t very proud of himself for indulging that far, but he couldn’t resist. It was then that he noticed: Akihiko had two black dots appearing right behind the shell of his left ear. Haruki never noticed it before, maybe because he didn’t want to spend too much time staring at his friend, that would be weird and he didn’t want to get caught. But curiosity took the best of him, so Haruki leaned in to take a better look at what appeared to be Akihiko’s mark: it wasn’t just a colon, it was a whole other symbol. A bass clef.

Haruki ran to the bathroom as fast as he could, like his life depended on it. He pushed aside his long hair to see if behind his left ear he had manifested the same symbol as Akihiko: it worked like that, right? You’re supposed to have the mark on the same spot as your Soulmate, right?? Haruki couldn’t remember. It had been a long time since his teachers had explained to him how marks worked, and his memory decided to be blurry right in that moment. “Fuck.”

Behind the shell of his ear there was nothing. Plain skin.

“It’s not me” he whispered to himself.

He really wished he was stronger, because it felt like the ground was crumbling under his feet. Before he could realise it, his eyes were filled with tears ready to spill at any moment, a painful knot forming in his throat.

“ _Akihiko already has a Soulmate and it’s not me_.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Things were going pretty well with their band. Uenoyama, their guitarist, suggested they chose a name and they decided to call themselves “the seasons”. They were an instrumental band, until one day Uenoyama surprised them at practice with who would later become their vocalist. His name was Satou Mafuyu, and after he joined them, things were not the same anymore.

He’d only just started learning how to play a guitar, he didn’t even know how to handle it in the first place, but for some reason he convinced Uenoyama to teach him and here he was now, changing the shape of “the seasons” and giving them a new sound. They discovered Mafuyu had an incredible voice, and though it wasn’t an easy task, they managed to create their first song together as four. They even got the chance to play a couple of songs at their local club, so they decided it would be the best way to test the new formation in front of a live audience. Out of excitement, Akihiko even invited Ugetsu to the show, knowing well that he would decline in the end. It seemed like Mafuyu had something he wanted to say, something he needed to convey with their song that was based on the melody he repeatedly heard in his head, so they left the task of writing the lyrics to him. Uenoyama had an idea of what the song would be about, and he was scared of hearing it, to be fair. Akihiko and Haruki could only guess it was about a past love, but they knew nothing about it.

It wasn’t easy to get the lyrics out of Mafuyu, since he was refusing to sing at rehearsals before their first upcoming show; they all heard the complete song with the vocals during their live performance, in the end.

And it shook them all to their core.

It was a song about a winter story.

Yes, it was a love from the past, just like Haruki had guessed.

It was a story of a love that could never come back.

The story of someone who had lost his Soulmate forever.

Mafuyu had let out his tragedy for the world to hear: how he loved someone, how they were destined to be together, and now they had been torn apart. How Mafuyu was going to keep on living with that memory in his heart, knowing well that you only get one Soulmate in this life, and he had lost them forever. Mafuyu let everyone hear his voice, his mourn, his cry for help, because he didn’t know how he could go on living after something like that.

Thanks to Mafuyu, Akihiko understood all sorts of things.

He spotted Ugetsu in the crowd, right after their song ended. Given the way Ugetsu was rushing out of the room when they finished playing, avoiding eye contact with him, Akihiko reckoned he might have understood, too.

It was time to stop pretending like everything was fine, like the problem he refused to face didn’t really exist. Mafuyu’s song had touched something deep within Akihiko, and now he couldn’t stay still anymore. At the end of their show, he ran after Ugetsu.

_“With what words_

_Should I close the door on this love?”_

Akihiko was running, he was running from the past, from everything he willingly avoided up until now. All the things he couldn’t hide anymore, because suddenly it was as clear as day. What he had to do, what he had to say. How painful it was going to be.

He had to face the pain, the bleeding, the tears that he’d kept avoiding for many months, even though he knew deep down the answers to all his questions.

_Are you really my Soulmate?_

_No._

_“The spell or maybe curse has not been broken yet  
I'm still holding the baggage that I had”_

The words Mafuyu sang were echoing in his mind. He wanted to scream, he was willing to do anything to make Mafuyu’s voice in his head stop, it was hurting, it was _too much_ —

He slammed the door of the apartment, their apartment, no, _Ugetsu_ ’s apartment.

Akihiko found him sitting on the floor. His violin in his hands.

He must have rushed home to play some sort of response to Mafuyu’s song, Akihiko thought. Akihiko wanted to hear Ugetsu’s lament, he wanted to hear him play one last time, with every fiber of his being. But now it wasn’t the time for that.

He had to do it.

He couldn’t keep up the façade anymore.

_Just please relieve this pain…_

Akihiko’s face looked pained. Ugetsu noticed immediately and he smiled, though he looked hurt, as well. He knew this moment was coming, he’d probably known for a long time.

“Hi” Ugetsu simply greeted him. “It’s over, isn’t it?”

“Yeah”.

_The show?_

_Our love?_

_My life without you?_

Ugetsu looked like he wanted to say something, but every word died on his lips. He just didn’t know how, so he let Akihiko spell it out for him.

“I loved you” Akihiko’s voice cut him deep. “I would have fucking thrown away my whole life for you, you know.”

“I know” Ugetsu’s voice was barely a whisper.

“But you’re not my Soulmate” Akihiko’s voice cracked a bit, betraying him. He had to do this, he had to be strong and get it over with- “and I’m not yours.”

“I know” Ugetsu simply repeated himself. He closed his eyes to avoid the tears from forming. “I’m happy you understand it now. Thank you. Being the first to say it out loud would have been too painful.”

Akihiko just stared at him in shock.

“Is that why you waited… and never said a thing…?”

“Akihiko” Ugetsu looked at him, now tears overflowing. “I love you to death. I always will. I don’t know how I can ever stop this. But you can’t be with me—you deserve better.”

Akihiko’s knees felt suddenly weak.

“My Soulmate died before I was able to meet them. I know, because I’ve felt it. I’m never going to get a mark. This is the truth. I didn’t say it because… because I hoped, God, I hoped that somehow we could make this work. I hoped that life would be kind to me, and it would gift me your mark. I really, really wanted to be yours… well, part of me is always going to be yours. But not like that. Not wholly… Because I can’t.”

Akihiko’s mouth was dry. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to end things with Ugetsu because he knew they couldn’t ever be together like that, but he didn’t know Ugetsu’s side of things. He didn’t know the extent of his pain.

Akihiko now realised this was the missing piece of his puzzle. This was the reason of the melancholy, of the loneliness Ugetsu was always translating into music, even though Akihiko was at his side. He’d already experienced the death of his destined Soulmate, he felt that as if it was happening to him. Ugetsu was gifted with talent, he was a genius, but he probably was like that because he’d been forced to live with tremendous pain.

Just like Mafuyu, his soul was torn by tragedy, and he was able to turn it into music.

“You know, I’ve seen how your mark developed a couple of months ago.” Ugetsu was the one to break the silence once again. “The two dots aren’t alone anymore, it’s become a full symbol now. But you never talked about it, so I figured you weren’t ready to touch the subject.”

Akihiko’s face twisted from pain to shock. _What_ …?

“You’ve met him. Your Soulmate. I knew immediately, that day when you told me you joined a band… I knew I had lost you.”

Akihiko blinked at him. He couldn’t believe his ears.

Ugetsu looked like it was too painful to talk, but he managed to continue.

“And then I saw it, well… what I mean to say is, congratulations, Akihiko. I wish you the best.”

Ugetsu sat there, now letting silence fill up the space between them, knowing that he could never close that space again. A broken heart can’t be torn into pieces a second time, he thought. There must be a limit to how much pain a simple human can feel. It was too much. He had to look away from Akihiko, knowing too well what was going on in his head.

Akihiko hadn’t looked at behind his ear for months now. He avoided his mark like it was the first symptom of the plague. He had no idea it had changed into a new shape.

He rushed to the bathroom to see it, heart slamming in his chest, with only one word now repeatedly echoing in his mind: _Haruki, Haruki,_

_Haruki._

_I need to see Haruki._

When Mafuyu’s song ended, Haruki felt that familiar knot in his throat. He really wanted nothing more than to hide backstage somewhere and just straight up cry his eyes out. Mafuyu’s voice, Mafuyu’s words had reached a place deep within Haruki’s soul and he swore he felt his heart break more than once, during that song.

Mafuyu and Uenoyama walked backstage for a bit right after the song ended, so Haruki realised he had no time to run away and cry, he had to pull it together and keep the show going. When Uenoyama came back, the three of them, without Mafuyu, played a couple more songs, the instrumental ones that their old band had written.

When their segment of the concert was finally over, much to his surprise, he saw Akihiko leave the stage as fast as he could. It wasn’t like him to run away like that.

“He left to run after his boyfriend, or whatever he is” Uenoyama’s sister explained, she also knew Akihiko since she was not-so-secretly crushing on him and trying to hit on him.

Being stabbed in the chest would have hurt less, Haruki thought.

Akihiko probably didn’t want to be alone, after hearing for the first time a powerful song like that. Haruki couldn’t blame him; after all, Akihiko had a Soulmate, so it was only natural that he chased after his other half to be with him. If Haruki had had someone like that in his life, he would have done the same. He wanted to hold someone’s hand, he wanted to feel the warmth of another person so badly. But the only image his mind could come up with was Akihiko’s face. Akihiko hugging him, Akihiko smiling at him and just being there for him.

He bit his lip and did his best not to betray himself; he had to shut it, keep it together and go home. He could let it all out when he was alone, not right now. _God_ , he wanted to cry.

Pushing back the tears was a difficult task, but he had to drive Uenoyama and Mafuyu home after the concert, he didn’t want them to suspect a thing. Not to mention, they seemed exhausted after the show, after everything that happened. He had to do it for them.

When he finally arrived to his apartment, he couldn’t even manage to open the door and get inside.

_“The cold tears that fall  
freeze under the sky_

_They're just pretending to be kind”_

How could he get Mafuyu’s song out of his head? It was pretty late now, it seemed like forever ago that they were still on stage playing that painful melody… and now Haruki was standing at his own front door, unable to unlock it with his key because the tears were just blurring his vision. It was too much, it was too much…

_“The two of us have now been torn apart_

_That’s all there is to this story”_

God, how badly Haruki wanted to see Akihiko right now. He didn’t want to be alone, he wanted Akihiko to hold him, to tell him everything was going to be okay.

Akihiko was in love with someone else, Akihiko was destined to be with someone else, but it didn’t matter.

_I want to see you…_

Haruki’s legs were giving up, he wasn’t able to stand anymore, it was becoming too painful to breathe.

Haruki’s sobbing was so loud that he didn’t hear the footsteps from someone coming up the stairs.

It was only when he heard a voice from behind him that he realised he wasn’t alone.

“Haruki.”

It was _his_ voice.

“What are you doing outside…?” Akihiko asked.

Haruki’s teary eyes stared at him in shock. “ _What_ …! What are you doing here?!”

“I… I came to see you.”

Haruki was about to burst into tears once again. “Why?”

“After Mafuyu’s song…” Akihiko began, but Haruki didn’t let him finish—he didn’t want to hear it. He knew all too well. “Don’t you have someone else you should be with? Someone else that would comfort you?”

Akihiko stared at him blankly. “What are you talking about…”

Haruki was _mad_ , he didn’t even know why, but he was raising his voice.

“I know, okay? It was—fucking painful. I would have, too, you know, run to the person I love. Because being alone after hearing something like _that_ is unbearable—so, please, just” he sobbed, “leave me alone. I’m begging you, leave me alone and go to your Soulmate—"

Akihiko blinked at him and instead of leaving, he took a step forward, towards Haruki.

“I said leave!”

“I can’t” Akihiko gently smiled at him, then he took another step forward.

“I won’t leave you alone. I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“But—why…? Why are you doing this to me…?” Haruki was sobbing again. “Why are you doing this… oh God, please, it _hurts_ …” Haruki was covering his face with his hands, not being able to meet Akihiko’s gaze anymore.

So when Akihiko closed the space between them, Haruki jolted in surprise—he was expecting him to leave, he was only waiting for Akihiko to pity him and just leave him alone, crying about an unrequited love for the rest of the night.

But Akihiko was holding him in his arms like he didn’t care about a thing Haruki had said.

“Akihiko…” Haruki whispered while hugging him back. He was pressing his fingers on Akihiko’s back like his life depended on it, like he was meaning the exact opposite of what he’d said before.

“Akihiko… Go to your Soulmate, please, I… I can do this, really…”

But his body was telling him _stay, stay, please don’t ever let go._

“Haruki” he heard Akihiko call him. He tried his best to steady his breath and stop crying.

The warmth of Akihiko’s body pressed against his was addicting. How could he ever let him go…? But Haruki loved him, so he had to.

“Just go…” Haruki whispered to him again, like a broken record.

“But Haruki, I already did…”

It felt like Akihiko was hugging him even tighter. Haruki forgot how to breathe.

“That’s why I’m here. You are my Soulmate.”

Haruki suddenly interrupted the hug to look at Akihiko in the face. He was smiling fondly at him, Haruki could see his red eyes from up close. He’d been crying, too, for sure.

“What are you saying… I thought—wait, I don’t have your same Bass clef behind my ear! It can’t be!”

“What?! How do you know where my mark is? And how did you find out even before I did…?! Well, whatever” Akihiko showed Haruki his mark. “Show me yours” Akihiko invited him.

“I’m telling you, I don’t have it…!”

“Haruki” Akihiko’s voice was suddenly very low and serious. “I know it’s you. Deep down, I’ve always known. I’m sure you knew it too.”

Haruki swore his heart skipped a beat right there.

“Let me check, okay?” Akihiko asked, and when Haruki turned his face to allow it, Akihiko simply laughed at him. “You seriously believed you weren’t my Soulmate because you checked only your _left ear_?”

_“What?!”_

“A Soulmate’s mark is supposed to manifest on complementary parts of your body. Let’s say mine was on my right hand, then yours would be on your left” Akihiko explained, and then he chuckled. “That’s why yours is…” he gently turned Haruki’s head the other way and pushed the long hair away behind his right ear.

Behind the shell of Haruki’s right ear there was a black mark, formed by two dots and an elegant curved line; it matched perfectly Akihiko’s. A Bass clef, just like his.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”

“I’m…” Haruki was speechless. “I’m an idiot” he finally confessed.

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us. But I’ve never been happier to be in love with an idiot” Akihiko chuckled.

“Shut up” Haruki’s face was flushed red from ear to ear.

“You’ve finally stopped crying” Akihiko stated.

Before Haruki could reply, Akihiko leaned in and finally connected their lips.

It was like their whole bodies were creating music: Akihiko was sure Haruki was feeling it too, that vibrant melody that had suddenly started playing. It was the perfect harmony of sounds, like nothing they’ve ever managed to play together before. It was beautiful, it was fulfilling, it was like a dream.

Haruki felt Akihiko’s piercing brushing on his own lips and it felt like heaven; he’d fantasized about feeling them under his tongue so many times, how Akihiko would taste… it was too embarrassing to admit. But finally, finally he got a real taste of him, and it made him feel intoxicated instantly. He couldn’t get enough of it, he was sure Akihiko was feeling it too, by the way he was pulling Haruki even closer.

When they parted, Akihiko looked at Haruki with such fondness in his eyes that made Haruki’s knees go weak once again. “Haruki…”

“Mmh?” Haruki rested his head on Akihiko’s shoulder.

“I love you. I’m so glad I found you. I feel so lucky right now…”

Haruki felt his eyes heavy with tears once again, but he tried to keep it together.

“I’m so happy it’s _you_ ” Haruki replied, his voice shaking a bit.

“Hehe, me too… All this time, I… It’s always been you.”

_"So I won't hesitate no more, no more_

_It cannot wait, I'm sure_

_There's no need to complicate_

_Our time is short_

_This is our Fate,_

_I'm Yours"_

**Author's Note:**

> -Akihiko gets himself a new job to be able to split the rent with Haruki so they can eventually move in together. do not worry about a thing, I’ve got them covered
> 
> -Yes I added Fuyu no Hanashi translated lyrics to make everything even more painful. Sorry I just had to!
> 
> -I’m a sucker for Ugetsu and I just want him to be happy, I swear, but this is just not that kind of story for him,, sorry,,,,
> 
> Let me know if you’d like to read another one shot about Mafuyu and Uenoyama in the same au!  
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
